Last week my husband and I were vacationing in a massive resort in Mexico. Cancun is usually a place to attract people from different countries, and I enjoyed observing them. While I was paying attention to different foreign languages, behaviors, and relationships, as a girl I was also looking at people's clothes, hairstyles, makeup, and other outward factors. It's always interesting to see how different people have different ideas of beauty and understanding of context (some people would come to dinner wearing heels, while others came in their pajamas).
Studying the Bible, I've noticed a pretty popular verse from one of Peter's letters that touches on the topic of beauty, specifically "adorning".
Beauty and Adorning
In chapter three of the first letter, Peter writes:
“Do not let your adorning be external—the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear — but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God's sight is very precious” (1 Pet. 3:3-4)
I noticed that some people's interpretations of this verse forbid Christian girls from any kind of braiding, jewelry, and fancy clothes. But I have a different opinion because here Peter doesn't talk about beauty - he uses the word "adorning".
What is adorning? Cambridge dictionary defines the word "to adorn" as "to add something decorative to a person or a thing". Basically, it's an accessory that makes you look prettier, like a cherry on top of your outfit. A girl can wear a fancy dress, high heels, and a very nice hairstyle, but her adorning would be some jewelry she put on (like a necklace) - this jewelry will be her adorning. I would say, that this is the most precious part of the outfit.
So, in his letter, Peter writes that our outer beauty, expressed in clothes or hairstyles, isn't the most precious part of our personality (though still acceptable). Our jewelry is not our real adorning and not the accessory we need to look for! What can make a person - and specifically a woman - truly beautiful?
Precious in God's Sight
“the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit”
Before I dive into what this means, I want to highlight what's written after these words: "which in God's sight is very precious". This beauty standard is not one person's opinion or the standard of the crowd. Even though the world around us wants us to focus on the external, Peter here tells us what is precious in the eyes of the Lord.
And I consider this very important! While we try to please people - our family, friends, colleagues, or even strangers - we need to stop and think about whether we are beautiful in the eyes of our Creator. Are we collecting and polishing the right adorning?
Let's go back to the hidden person of the heart. Different translations use different words to express this thought, but the idea stays clear: our true essence and real beauty are defined by what is hidden in our hearts. Our adorning should be the "person" or the character of our hearts.
I like that the Bible doesn't talk about good deeds or right words here. It's referring to the core - the heart. One can be very beautiful on the outside - both in looks and behavior - but have wrong motives, bad thoughts, or negative attitudes. But God looks straight at our souls, and they might be our true adorning.
The beauty of our hearts is called imperishable - unfading. If our souls and our thoughts stay pure, our appearance shows it regardless of the price of our clothes, the number on the body weight scale, or our wrinkles or grey hairs. With time external beauty will undoubtedly fade so we should rely on it as our main adorning. But the real beauty of the heart is imperishable, it adorns a person throughout their whole life and becomes fully revealed in eternity.
Gentle and Quiet Spirit
Finally, I got to the main idea of these verses - the gentle and quiet spirit. The modern world promotes different values, so this "adorning" might not seem very precious to us. But this is exactly how Jesus lived and what he taught. His gentle and quiet spirit didn't make him a "wimp" or a pushover. Jesus stood firm in his beliefs and preached the truth but He did it in humility, peace, and with love.
Practically in our lives, a gentle and quiet spirit would be expressed through our compliance, patience, humility, the absence of pride, and short temper. I know that it's much easier to talk about it than actually act like it, but we can all do our best and work on ourselves.
What should we do if we don't feel gentle and quiet enough? I think the author of this letter was very wise with his words when he called it a gentle and quiet spirit. Our spirit is the part of our being that is connected to God's Spirit, which feeds from the Source, in which the fruit of the spirit is cultivated. By the way, gentleness is on the list in Galatians 5!
Moreover, in one of His sermons, Jesus said: "Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls" (Matt. 11:29). I already wrote about taking the yoke, but isn't this still encouraging? If we come to Jesus and learn from Him, He promises gentleness, humility, and peace for us!
Bonus for Married
If you think about these verses and meditate over them, I think in your everyday life you will find many instances where a gentle and quiet spirit can become your adorning. I will show you just one sphere that Peter talks about in the next verse.
“For this is how the holy women who hoped in God used to adorn themselves, by submitting to their own husbands” (1 Pet. 3:5).
A wife's adorning is her submission and obedience to her husband. You can learn to submit to your boss or even your parents, but sometimes it's really hard to be quiet and gentle when you're absolutely sure your husband is wrong! Many women think they know "the best way" and try to guide their husbands. But my little experience and testimonies of many other wives show that humility and submission make a woman more beautiful than winning an argument ever will.
You can agree or disagree with me, you can come up with many "buts" and "what if's". I don't know about you, but this week I'm planning to watch myself and think if God considers my hidden person of the heart precious and if I know how to adorn myself with gentleness and peace!
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