This week I took an online course on biblical marriage with Marina Vecher. In this course, we studied biblical examples of married couples and lessons that we can learn from these stories and other Bible texts. All this was wrapped with fresh revelations, great presentation, and historical context.
Why did I need this? The answer is simple: one of the best investments you can make in your relationship (or your life in general) is education. First of all, I have never taken a learning that didn't teach me a single new thing. Second of all, if someone organizes the knowledge you already have and presents it to you in a nice way, it will still allow you to put everything in the right places in your mind and have it in easy access to share and use. And third of all, any kind of learning should motivate you to think things over and work on yourself (that is if you're ready to learn).
This blog post is not an ad and not a recap of the course, but I still wanted to share a few thoughts, some conclusions that I personally made from every lesson. Many of those thoughts can be applied to any Christian relationship, not just marriage, so you can read it even if you're single.
Lesson 1. Adam and Eve
Circumstances don't just come up out of nowhere. Often they appear in response to what has already been happening inside of us. Eve's temptation didn't start with the serpent, it started with her separation from her husband, and her curiosity about the forbidden. The damage has already started inside but the temptation helped it turn into action. This is how sin was born.
Some people think that marriage limits people so they try to look for opportunities away from it. But marriage is a part of God's plan for humanity and it's enough for growth and self-realization. If you don't think you can find everything you need within its limits, it doesn't mean you need to go look elsewhere, it means you should work on your garden.
Seeing his wife for the first time, Adam started admiring her as the best woman in the world. It's pretty funny, knowing she was the only woman on earth, but it's a good example of how we should see our spouses: as if they are the only person on earth, which means they are perfect for you!
Lesson 2. Boaz and Ruth
We shouldn't prove to our husbands that they are the head of the family, we need to live so that they feel that. You can tell your husband that he is the ruler of the household many times, but if you still do whatever you think is right, this will not respect his authority. Christianity shouldn't be proven either - we need to live in such a way so that our actions speak about it louder than our words.
"Where is the kingdom of God?" Jesus' disciples asked. In Luke 17:21, Jesus answered: "it's inside of you". We can build and grow His Kingdom in our families by following the Scriptures and fulfilling God's laws.
Ruth didn't experience any supernatural miracles, didn't see any angels, or received any revelations, but fulfilled God's will by making good choices and practicing what we would now call Christian character. The good news is, we all can do the same! Faithfulness, kindness, diligence, and obedience - these things please God.
Lesson 3. Shulammite and Her Lover
Initiative provokes thirst. Or in other words, "appetite comes with eating". Sometimes we need to make decisions despite our emotions, but emotions will likely follow. If you've ever heard the story of my relationship, you should know that my love for my husband went into full bloom only after I made a conscious decision to love him!
Friendship strengthens marriage. In general, there are three pillars of good marriage which are spiritual, physical, and emotional unity (or friendship). If the first two are not always available, we should do our best to develop our friendship at all times.
The serpent would not have seduced Eve if she made her relationship with her husband a priority. If the focus is shifted, temptations come. This is why we need to make our relationship a priority not only in actions but also in our words and thoughts - so that our husbands know that we value the time we spend together.
Lesson 4. Joseph and Mary
Most of us read the Bible so we know and understand many biblical principles - both the ones concerning marriage and the ones that aren't. But sometimes we want to say, "my story is too special, these principles don't work for me". However, when we try to change or misinterpret the Scripture to fit our experience, problems arise.
Sometimes we think that obedience is humiliation. But let's look at Jesus: he submitted His will to the will of His Father, and this didn't make Him any lower but allowed Him to play His role in God's plan. In the same way, submission to our husbands allows us to take our place in God's plan for our family.
Bible calls us to submit to our husbands as the Lord (Eph. 5:22) not because they are like Gods or can take God's place. But our submission to our husbands allows them to develop their own relationship with God and through that become more Christ-like.
Our husbands can't be better than what we think of them. If a wife doesn't respect her husband and humiliates him, it would be very difficult for a husband to respect himself and be confident. This is understandable: if a wife is unhappy, the husband feels like he failed as a husband. Wives have to inspire and encourage their husbands, and we should do that in any other relationship too!
Lesson 5. Aquila and Priscilla
Why do we have to agree on decisions in our family? Because if a husband is the only one responsible for the decision, the wife keeps the right to blame him for the outcome. But if a wife takes partial responsibility, the only person she can blame is herself and this is not as destructive. Taking responsibility for decisions is a sign of maturity.
To be supportive of your husband, you don't have to know everything he does or have a say in that. But you should be with him and for him all the time. Let him feel your support, your desire and readiness to help, and your agreement with his ideas. And especially be on his side when someone else is involved.
"Bear each other's burdens" (Gal. 6:2). When one spouse is tired, upset, or sick, the other can support them and make up for their weakness with their strength. Matthew and I experienced this not too long ago while preparing for a party. It's amazing to have someone who will hold you up! This is why even if you're single, make sure to be helpful and supportive to people around you.
Lesson 6. 15 Principles of Marriage
Another thought about submission. We shouldn't be afraid of it or avoid it, but be thankful that we have someone who is ready to take responsibility for us, take care of us and support us. I, for example, enjoy the fact that I don't have to make all the decisions myself!
The Bible says that we should separate from our parents and become one with our husbands. Why is that? One of the answers is to dedicate yourself to your marriage wholly. Don't look back, don't go to mom with all the questions, don't spend all your time with your first family, but make your marriage a priority.
If you want to learn more or register for this course (available to listen in Russian with homework in English), click the link. If you don't want to do that - don't. But may God's word work in your heart wherever it comes from!
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