Last weekend I unexpectedly got sick, which didn't feel nice at all. So this week, I struggled with regaining my strength and coming back to my normal lifestyle. I didn't have any physical or emotional strength for the blog, so I already accepted the fact that I wouldn't have anything to post this weekend.
Soon after, I remembered that this blog is not about me being wise or teaching other people, but about the Lord and His power (that is sometimes made perfect in our weaknesses) and about what He teaches me through my everyday life. As Paul says, "for what we proclaim is not ourselves, but Jesus Christ as Lord, with ourselves as your servants for Jesus' sake" (2 Cor. 4:5). So I looked into my heart and found something that I can share with you.
For the longest time, my favorite chapter in the Bible was Romans 12. After writing eleven chapters of long and complicated theological ideas Paul comes to sharing practical advice in short and clear verses such as "let love be genuine" or "live in harmony with one another." A lot of them are very simple and obvious, for example, verse 15:
"Rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep" (Rom. 12:15).
The beauty of the Bible is that every single word of it is "breathed out by God" and often speaks to us even when we don't think about it much. This week this Bible verse touched my heart and opened up to me from an unusual perspective.
If I had to explain this Bible verse with two words, I would say that it's about empathy. According to Google, empathy is the ability to understand and share the feelings of another. Modern psychologists talk a lot about empathy, teaching people how to read other people's emotions and react to them in a certain way (or even to use them in your own interests). I think nowadays everyone understands how the ability to share someone's feelings could be a great help in building relationships. I guess apostle Paul understood it as well.
But still, why does Bible talk about empathy? I noticed that this is not the only verse about it. Why would God want us to adapt to other people? Why is it important for Christians?
If you try to put this verse into practice, you'll understand one simple thing. Empathy is about humility.
Rejoice with Those Who Rejoice
Imagine a situation: someone close to you had something good happen in their life, something that you would love to have as well. For example, your husband landed a great job (like mine haha), your friend went on a dream vacation, your classmate got a new phone, a girl you follow on Instagram posted an engagement (or an ultrasound) picture - anything. The main idea of this activity is to imagine it for someone else rather than yourself.
Now imagine how this kind of news would make you feel. Obviously, if this person is close to you, you would be happy for them. But would it be your only or even your main emotion? Often our joy may be stolen by a small but unpleasant thing called jealousy.
So how is it related to humility, anyway? It's simple: if you want to stop being jealous in this situation, try to humble yourself. Stop "hogging the covers" and thinking about yourself, but rather put the other person in the center of your attention. Today is his day, you'll care about yourself tomorrow.
Rejoicing with those who rejoice means putting the other person and their joy above yours. no matter what you feel. Humbling yourself and your ego, sharing the feelings of someone close to you.
Weep with Those Who Weep
This should be easier. No one would feel jealous at a funeral, it's not hard to weep and be empathetic there. When our dear ones are in pain, we feel the pain as well. I agree with that. But sometimes in our lives, we refuse to "weep with those who weep" without even noticing it.
Not long ago I was talking to a girl who is getting married soon and she was telling me how the war complicated her situation and they had to reschedule the wedding. Do you know what my response was like? "Oh, it's not even the worst thing," followed by the stories of my wedding that had to be organized in a very short time, topped off by a story of newlywed Ukrainian refugees that I met here. The hidden idea of my speech was that this young bride's problems are not even problems compared to me or someone else.
Would you call this empathy? I wouldn't. Yes, maybe in someone's eyes a rescheduled wedding is no reason to "weep", but you can totally say that I wasn't weeping with her.
Weeping with those who weep means to be in their situation, whether we consider it worthy of our tears or not.
When a person goes through a season in their life that is different from ours (especially if ours is in the past already), their problems seem insignificant to us. A college student would say that the ACT is no big deal compared to failing a college class, a couple that has been married for a while may think that preparing for a wedding is not as stressful as something they are going through and that the first baby is nothing compared to the fourth one. But trust me, when you're actually going through it, it doesn't feel like that at all.
So when you're planning to "weep with those who weep," try to humble your ego, your years of experience, and tons of related stories, and try to share that person's feelings without talking about yourself. You can't even imagine how much you can help someone if you just let them talk and cry on your shoulder without lecturing them or sharing your invaluable experience. Most of the time people know all the right answers but desperately need to be heard and comforted.
Humility and Compassion
In Paul's letter to Philippians he writes:
"Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others." (Phil. 2:3-4)
You can see how he ties humility to looking out for others. And I believe he's not only talking about things or actions (which is good too) but also about feelings. We probably try to love people and be empathetic and compassionate. But our sinful nature makes all of us selfish and we always want to draw attention to ourselves and our own joys and sorrows.
This is not what Jesus teaches us to do. Again and again, the Bible says that we need to love people around us more than we love ourselves, and value them above ourselves. Rejoice with them in their joy even when we can't have it. Weep with them in their problems even if we have tons of advice and experience. All this requires humility, which is not easy, but is exactly what we need if we want to love people the way Jesus did.
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